Just call me Bre. Welcome to my single parent blog, where I will be taking you on a magical journey. Nope scratch that, I’m going to be exposing you to some real life ISH. My day to day comings and goings, as we navigate through solo parenting. Who am I really you ask? (Umm Just a heads up, for this to work with you and I, I’m going to expect us to engage in fluid communication.) Continuing; I am many things. I’m a mom, a cook, an up and coming fitness guru, a writer, an educator (to my kid at least); put it like this, I wear a lot of hats. However, when it comes to this blogging thing, I’ve gotten much better at expressing who I am, with hopes of helping someone else either find confidence to make it through a challenging situation, or at the least find some humor in the things that have happened to me. How about this, let’s start back when I first found out that my life was going to change forever…..
I found out I was pregnant 5 days before Christmas 2014; talk about some Christmas gift huh. Rounding out my late twenties, heading into my thirties, one would assume that I would be ready for children… Unnn Uh! My son’s father and I had known, and dated each other on and off for more than 9 years. Although we were very familiar with who we were individually, as a unit and potentially becoming parents together, we were unsure, and undecided on many things. Things like, which direction to go in the relationship, where should I live now that I found out I was expecting, and the most important thing, whether or not we should even keep the baby. I oddly enough, wanted to end the relationship, and terminate the pregnancy. He wanted to keep the relationship, and the baby; well in the beginning at least. After thinking it over, seeing my doctor, and MANY nights of literally crying out to God in prayer, I decided to keep the baby, but not necessarily the relationship. I wasn’t saying I wanted to raise my child alone without him, but more specifically that “we don’t have to be together to be great parents to our child.” I knew that we needed to decide if we actually loved one another alone, and weren’t just going to be those types of parents who only stayed together for the kids. Just like most people who have children together, I saw things one way, and he saw things another, and those things would soon change.
My pregnancy was just getting started. I finally accepted that I was going to be a mom in a matter of months, and although my son’s father lived in another state at the time, we previously were always discussing how we were going to continue spending time together as our relationship began to grow all over again; But….. that was quickly fading now that I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly he was busier than usual, and he started to become more and more distant emotionally, socially, and physically as the days passed. Finally one freezing winter day, my son’s father called to tell me that while he did not want me to abort our child, he also did not want to be involved with any of the responsibilities going forward either. Yup, you heard it right folks, he wanted no contact, no last names, no knowledge of our child’s birth, and no nothing to do with me or as he stated “this shit” anymore. I was stunned, and catapulted into single motherhood while I was still pregnant.
Spinning from the news, I told him that I didn’t understand. BECAUSE I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND. Then I thought maybe I should give him some time, some space, be patient, and eventually things would sort themselves out. No need to stress myself out over things I can’t control right? Wrong. I was stressed out, I was terrified, alone, broken hearted and PREGNANT. I felt like my world, and my soon to be child’s world was crashing in on me. So many things were repeated to me over and over again during this time. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. You and your partner should be closer than ever, this is a magical time. You and your man will work things out, and everything will be just fine. But that wasn’t going to be my reality.
Fast Forward, things did not work out between he and I, and I have not seen him since December 2014. He’s never met our son.
If you don’t know, as a single mother/parent, anything that others consider to be simple tasks, can become a serious challenge for us. Getting to work in the morning, getting to a birthday party with everything you need, eating healthy, working out; you name it, it’s all about planning and execution. But also the mental health and wellness of a single parent is imperative. When was the last time you asked a single parent how they were doing mentally? You see, we have to be mentally capable of being a single parent, since the duties that are typically shared by two or more, have been filtered down to ONE person. From where I was standing while I was pregnant, I was not in the right mental space. It’s not enough to just say that being a parent will make you a stronger person, because there are many people who don’t become stronger, they actually become weaker, broken, and are not good parents because of that. I just knew that I had no other choice but to be the best version of me, so that I could be the best person for the sake of my child. This is how I’ve been trying to live for the last 3 years.
At first, I didn’t think it was possible to be a successful single parent. I didn’t think I could do it alone. I didn’t think I was going to be able to maintain my finances, my emotions, my life. And you know what? I was right! I wasn’t able to do any of those things, because I had a negative outlook, and I had a negative attitude since I was so hurt. As a single mom/parent it takes focus, patience, and determination. But for over a year, I let someone, who walked out on my son and I, control my mental state, and emotional being, and I was stuck on a roller coaster ride that ended at the same place where I started; as a woman alone raising a child. Through phone arguments, living in fear, multiple court hearings, where I was the only one to show up for my child, here I was fighting an invisible ghost, and it was exhausting. Yet, I survived. Therefore through that survival, I took everything I learned wrote it down, and now I can share it with someone else.
So here’s the deal… It took time to change my mind from thinking that I couldn’t make it, to believing that I Got This! It took time to heal my wounds, and they are still healing. However, the idea that I couldn’t make it, or I couldn’t be successful, or I couldn’t be everything for my child, it was all in my mind. Single parents are the first sight of hope, faith, purpose, and love our children see. So for goodness sake; Be a good face dang-it. Through this journey we are going to take together, i.e. surviving singlehood (parenthood that is), I want to show you the highs and the lows, the good the bad, and most importantly, the beautiful little faces we call our children, that are here to give us hope for a brighter tomorrow. In the end, if my journey can teach you anything, it’s that we can make it. We are some powerful people, and a part of an elite unique club: The Single Parents Club. I want to show you that we are capable of doing the impossible, because I believe in ONLY doing the IMPOSSIBLE. But if you believe that you can’t do it…. The universe says; You’re Right.
-Be the best version of YOU!-